As I read this statement, I couldn't help but think, "Where do I fall in this typical or rather, dreamed out version of life?" My life sure isn't happening how I expected it to. All of the pieces aren't falling into place as they should or as I thought they would: college-check, married-check, job-check, baby-unfortunately no check.
There have been several moments when I have sat surrounded by friends & family with nothing to talk about as they speak about their "exciting" lives...graduations, new boyfriends, new jobs, pregnancies, newborn babies, children growing up, etc. Don't get me wrong, I am THRILLED for all of them and the exciting adventures they are embarking on but it still makes me wonder, what do I have to share about my life except for the constant doctors appointments, the endless medications I am on, and the incessant sadness I feel? Who wants to listen to me ramble about my unfortunate circumstance? In fact, this might be mistaken for me sitting around feeling sorry for myself...am I?
What am I supposed to do? Do I continue to float through life, pretending that I'm fulfilled? Will I ever be fulfilled if I am unable to have a child of my own and/or the whole adoption thing doesn't work out? Can I find peace in knowing that God does have a plan for our lives, even if it's not the one I have dreamed of; my life-long dream to get married and have children of my own? Where do I fit in?
There have been several moments when I have sat surrounded by friends & family with nothing to talk about as they speak about their "exciting" lives...graduations, new boyfriends, new jobs, pregnancies, newborn babies, children growing up, etc. Don't get me wrong, I am THRILLED for all of them and the exciting adventures they are embarking on but it still makes me wonder, what do I have to share about my life except for the constant doctors appointments, the endless medications I am on, and the incessant sadness I feel? Who wants to listen to me ramble about my unfortunate circumstance? In fact, this might be mistaken for me sitting around feeling sorry for myself...am I?
What am I supposed to do? Do I continue to float through life, pretending that I'm fulfilled? Will I ever be fulfilled if I am unable to have a child of my own and/or the whole adoption thing doesn't work out? Can I find peace in knowing that God does have a plan for our lives, even if it's not the one I have dreamed of; my life-long dream to get married and have children of my own? Where do I fit in?
2 comments:
You are a wife, a sister, an aunt, a friend, a teacher. You are a confidant, a listener, a motivator. You are a smiling face, a warm hug. You are encouraging words, a shoulder to cry on, a source of advice. You are an advocate, a fighter, and a determined woman. You are a woman of faith. You are strong. That is where you fit in my book. I don't mind listen to you ramble. You are on an adventure; it just has a few detours. And one day,though I don't know when or how, but mother will be added to that list.
Holly-I just LOVE you sooo much and am so grateful for our friendship! Thank you for always listening to my rambling and for continuing to encourage me. You have been so comforting to me throughout this whole ordeal. I hope I'm 1/2 as good a friend to you as you are to me!
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