Life's Battles

Because a good friends courage has inspired me....

Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, otherwise known as PCOS, is a problem in which a woman’s hormones are out of balance. It can cause problems with your periods and make it difficult to get pregnant. PCOS may also cause unwanted changes in the way you look. If it is not treated, over time it can lead to serious health problems, such as diabetes and heart disease.

And yes, I have this syndrome. I was diagnosed mid February and my life hasn't been the same since. To some, that might sound absurd, but to those who have battled this, they understand my broken heart. I am not sure why it is so difficult for me to share this other than it has never been easy for me to share my feelings (even to those I'm closest with). I suppose it could have something to do with that whole "confidence" thing I struggle with..perhaps it could be my fear of being judged.

I have known for several years that something wasn't right with my body and over the past 9 months or so, I have become an advocate for myself (if you're not one for yourself-who will be?...I'm thankful for my precious friend who taught me this). After seeing doctor after doctor (make that WRONG doctor after WRONG doctor), I finally decided to see a fertility specialist. Now, I did not do this with the thought that I needed help getting pregnant (although we had been off birth control since last September), I went with the thought process, "There's something wrong with me, no one else can find the answer, and after doing much research, I feel like it could be in YOUR area of expertise!" I think Dr. Holt misunderstood this and was ready to HELP me get pregnant right away. Regardless, I was happy because he was running tests that former doctors had not previously done. He had blood drawn that day and asked me to set up an appointment for an ultrasound (which I had always wondered why no other doctor had gone this route before considering it's one of the LEAST invasive things that can be done). Anyways, I took care of business and left feeling very hopeful!

My blood tests were in when I went in for the ultrasound. Right away, the ultrasound tech told me I had PCOS. PCOS I said? I did not know how to feel at that moment as I did not even know what this was. I sat down with Trudy, my endocrine specialist, who is my little angel in all of this. She could write the book, "PCOS For Dummies," as she was wonderful about drawing pictures and explaining every little detail to me. Of course, this was all extremely overwhelming...not only do I have PCOS, but I also have something called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (otherwise known as CFS). CFS is a condition that makes you feel so tired that you can't do all of your normal, daily activities (this might explain why my first year of teaching I could not get enough sleep). Despite all this new information, Dr. Holt was ready to HELP me get pregnant. To me, that was a BIG step. It was one thing to be "not, not trying" but a whole different story to be taking medicine that could cause me to instantly get pregnant. I explained that I wasn't sure I was ready for that. His reply was that I would then need to get back on birth control to protect my fertility. Yes, another punch in my face! It was an incredible feeling to be off the pill thinking any day could be THE day that we conceive a child. Once again, my heart was breaking.

Along with the birth control, they put me on 3 different vitamins (B-Complex, E, and C), a steroid, and a hormone pill. I now take 5 pills in the morning and 3 pills in the evening (this does NOT include the antibiotics I have been on for the constant UTI's...but that's a whole different story for another time). I recently had blood work done and am waiting to hear the results...to hear if I need to make any changes to my current medication and doses.

I immediately left this appointment and began my research. Some people take this as me being negative but I am simply trying to be informed about my health and POSSIBILITIES for my future (and yes, I do realize that these are only "what ifs" and anything is POSSIBLE). In doing my research, I kept coming across Endometriosis which is the development of uterine-lining tissue outside the uterus. I found it interesting that I have ALL but 1 symptom of this condition and decided that this just might be the reason for my excruciating pain (among other things). So, I demanded an "emergency" appointment with Dr. Holt...at this point, I have had enough. Needless to say, they got me in the very next day as a walk in. Dr. Holt agreed that I could potentially have endometriosis and therefore wants to do laparoscopy surgery on me. During this exam, I also discovered that I have a retroverted uterus (which he referred to as "backwards")....this too could be causing a lot of my issues. During the surgery, he wants to look for/treat the endometriosis, clean out my fallopian tubes if necessary, and do a uterine suspension. Afterwards, depending on the outcome of the surgery, we will hopefully be able to begin trying to get pregnant. If I have endometriosis, we might have to wait a period of time due to the treatment process. If it were up to me, I would have had the surgery right away so that we could get this process started. BUT, I could not see myself leaving my para's and my kiddos for a whole week while I recover. I now have my surgery scheduled for the summer.

I have not entirely described my feelings about this whole situation other than to clue you into some of the "upsets" and "frustrations." I wanted to give you pieces of the journey and some of the facts surrounding this battle of mine. I have been inspired by certain people and have discovered over the past few weeks, that as hard as it may be, sharing my thoughts/feelings about this with others might just make this whole process a LITTLE bit easier. If you are learning this plethora of information through my blog, please do not be upset as it is very difficult for me to talk about. So, until next time....this is my story, this is my life!