As James and I were talking tonight, I informed him that my surgery is _____ weeks away (yes, I'm still keeping this part private). He asked me if I was excited? Surprisingly enough, I am in so many ways. I'm excited to get past this part of the process so that we can move forward and potentially start our journey of having children. I'm excited to find answers to what has been causing so much pain. I'm excited to hopefully find solutions as well so that I might feel good (a concept I don't know much about).
On the other hand, I'm also very scared! I'm scared of what they might unexpectedly find when they go in. I'm also scared of what they might NOT find, leaving me in the same pain as before. I'm scared to wake up to the news of NO biological children in our future, regardless of what methods we try. I'm scared of the pain I will be in from the surgery and the recovery time it will take (although it will hopefully be worth it in the end).
Despite all of this, my prayer is that God will prepare my heart for the future that lies before me! Even in my deepest moments, I realize that God has a plan for my life. And although it might be hard to accept, it's a GREAT plan in His eyes...and I hope soon in my eyes as well!
4 comments:
i cant read it!!!!
that was like decoding a secret message.
I am excited for you. I still stand by my offer.
Sorry...I think it's fixed now! ;-P
Jaime, you are such an amazing person. And yes, God does have a plan, its something I have to remind myself everyday. He will bring y'all through this. Love you!
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