Saying Goodbye

Back in March, I had to make one of the most difficult decisions of my life....I made the choice to say goodbye to the life I had known for that last 4 years...a life that although difficult at times, I truly did love.  This is something that I had been battling for a good portion of the school year; the questions going through my mind were never ending.

-Should I return for at least one more year?
-If I get pregnant, how will I handle possibly having to return to work...who will keep my baby?
-Is it fair to only give my students part of me when my focus is on my personal circumstances at this time?
-If I stay at home and find a way to relax, will this increase my chances of getting pregnant?

This is only a few of the questions that were consuming my thoughts.  So, when schools began to face their financial struggles and offered a reward for an early resignation, my mind went into overdrive. Not only would I be committing to not returning for 1 year, but I'd be committing to not returning until the year 2014-2015.  What if something went wrong?  What if I wasn't able to get pregnant and I wanted to return back to work?  What if we financially couldn't handle our new way of life?

After much prayer and deep conversation with James (and a few friends), we decided that this is what would be best for us at this time in our life.  I was not pregnant at the time but we felt like it would do me good to focus on taking care of myself (physically as well as mentally).  Although this is one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make, God gave me a peace that I know could have only come from Him.  I knew, that no matter what happened, He would carry me through this time in my life.  So, I wrote my resignation letter, turned it into my principal (who I had already spoken to several times), and with tears in my eyes, made that drive to the ESC to make it official (thanks to my Boo for going with me).

In some ways, I was very excited for this new chapter in my life, for the new opportunities that I would have that work had previously prevented me from trying.  On the other hand, I was sad.  I loved (and still love) BHE, the people I worked with, and my oh so precious little ones who taught me more about life than I'm sure I ever taught them.  Telling people proved to be the hardest, but the overwhelming support I received was heart warming.  Everyone said they would miss me but knew this was right for us at this point in our life.

As I walked out of school on that very last day, I can remember it feeling so surreal.....like, am I really leaving the school for the last time as a teacher, or am I just on summer break like everyone else?!  And I think for the summer it did feel that way.  It was when school started back in the fall that it really hit home and I realized how very real this was.

God has an incredible way of working in our lives though!  I never made the decision knowing exactly what was going to happen....I went out on a limb of faith and trusted God that my future was in His miraculous hands.  A miracle worker is He because not long after submitting my resignation did we find out I was pregnant....and with twins!  So you see, this is why Jeremiah 29:11 stays close to my heart always:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm  you, plans to give you hope and a future." 

His plans (not ours) are PERFECT!

Maybe one day I'll go back to teaching...when the timing is right.  But for now, I feel like God has me exactly where He wants me, staying at home and preparing for the precious angels He has trusted us to care for!  Until then, I will cherish the memories always of the years I spent teaching, but most importantly, the years I spent learning from some very precious little ones (not to mention a few big ones as well ;) ).