Finally, Tears of Joy!

Right now, I am speechless. Quite the irony huh? To be writing a blog post when I have no words. I don’t doubt that I can find some...for starters, I am surprised, elated, relieved, hopeful, amazed, joyful, terrified....shall I keep going or do you get the picture? I am feeling a million things at once and this is only tiny news in comparison to what I hope the future holds. But, I suppose you have to crawl before you walk and walk before you run....each step brings us one step closer to starting the family our hearts desire.

I went to my doctors appointment this afternoon half expecting it to be a routine check-up, half hoping he would give me the news I’ve been patiently anxiously waiting to hear, that I could stop the Lupron Therapy shots and start trying to get pregnant. And what do you know, that’s EXACTLY what he said!!!! I couldn’t believe my ears....was I dreaming or was I actually receiving a bit of good news?! Apparently I was receiving a bit of good news....news that even being caught in traffic during rush hour and driving on an empty tanks of gas couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. The plan is to complete two more weeks of the therapy and then, like I mentioned in an earlier post, I should be very fertile and it’s prime time to be in the baby making business! :-) We discussed the medicines I will continue to take and the ones that I will ween myself off of. We discussed ways to know that I am ovulating such as checking my temperature daily. We discussed me seeing a holistic doctor to help me with the process (this came after one of my “what if” questions). We discussed this ALL with a smile on my face!!! The only thing I would have changed would have been to have had James by my side...to share the joy of knowing we’re one step closer!

Now, I have already emailed Dr. Holt’s (fertility specialist) nurse to verify that they are on the same page and agree that we are making the right decision. The plan was to originally be on the shots for 4-6 months. I do not want any set backs so to make this decision without consulting both doctors would be at best, ignorant on my part. I will be highly disappointed if he is against this but I would much rather do it the right way now than have to fix my mistakes down the road. I can handle it, whatever he says. If nothing else, this trial in my life has made me a much stronger person.

And the best thing of all, is the peace I have inside knowing that no matter how hard the road ahead might be and no matter what the outcome is, He will carry me through. I feel myself finding a closer relationship with the Lord each day and for that I am eternally grateful. Who knows why things happen in life the way they do....maybe this happened so I would find my way back to Him. Either way, I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason (whether I see the “why” now, later, or in some cases never).

If I am actually able to fall asleep tonight, I know where my dreams will flow....and I know this smile will still be here when I wake up in the morning! :-)

My favorite verse....one I still cling to just as I did during my childhood:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11